Run Russia Run
by Sour Schuyler
Summary: Belarus is laying siege to Russia's house. Latvia's stuck with Russia. Canada's in love. America has a plan, and France'll find out what it is. Lithuania's dragged on a crummy date. Sealand's got a plan, Romano has a stalker, and Ukraine's waiting.
1. Run Russia Run

Chills ran down Russia's spine as he glimpsed a small hump of blonde topped with a bow outside his window. Belarus was spying on him again. Watching. _Waiting_.

Jesus Christ. Why wouldn't she leave him alone?

Russia wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck to combat the icy shivers Belarus' presence always brought him. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to formulate a plan. He could hide in his room, lock the door, and cower behind his armoire. …But she would just tear apart his door. Several times she'd even ripped out his doorknob.

Someone rapped sharply on his front door. Russia's eyes opened and grew huge.

"Russia!" a voice screamed on the other side. A… a young man's voice!

Russia's eyes strayed to the window Belarus had been crouched beneath just a few moments ago. Her golden hair could no longer be glimpsed. He frowned.

It was clearly Latvia at the door. But what if he opened the door and Belarus slipped in somehow? She was still out there.

Latvia's voice grew shriller. "RUSSIA! Open the door please!" he cried. Confusion tore at Russia's mind. Why was Latvia crying? Had someone _besides _Russia been bullying him? Russia's eyes narrowed.

He balled his hands into fists. "I've got to man up," he said. "I'm Russia, for Chrissakes. I'm _huge_. Belarus is nothing."

Russia marched determinedly up to the front door and pulled it open.

Latvia beamed at him, his face wet from tears. "Russia—" he croaked.

With one fast motion, Russia pulled Latvia inside, slammed the door shut and locked it. A mangled howl of frustration could be heard from outside. Russia leaned his large frame against the door, breathing heavily.

"…Russia?" Latvia tilted his head cutely to the side. "…Um. Is something wrong?"

Russia tried to slow his breathing. It was ok. The doors were locked. The windows were locked. Latvia was here to bully.

"Latvia, why are you so small?" Russia mocked in a quivering voice.

"Uh… Russia?" Latvia's teary eyes squinted in confusion. "Are you… ok?"

"Mmmmhmmm."

"Uhm." Latvia started to shiver. He usually got the shivers around Russia. Russia gave him the frickin' creeps. He was massive, domineering, cruel, and it was rumored that he'd shattered Busby's chair. The shivering became uncontrollable when Russia put a gloved hand on Latvia's head and pressed down…. Lightly. Russia's heart wasn't in it, and his eyes were staring off into the distance.

"Um… Russia?"

Russia was staring down the hall. In his mind, he was trying to figure out all of the possible best hiding places in his house. Trying to remember which doors still had doorknobs.

Something thumped on the door behind him. Russia shrieked girlishly, startling young Latvia so badly that he fell on his ass.

Something scratched on the door behind him. Growling noises emanated from the other side. His spine feeling like an icicle, Russia grasped Latvia's head and hauled ass down the hall, dragging the smaller country by his skull.

~1~

Meanwhile, in a random garden, Ukraine was bent over, working. Someone coughed behind her. She shrieked and whirled around. _Boing_.

Canada stared back at her. "Uh…"

"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!" Ukraine's eyes started to tear up. "What with all the Canadian tourists pouring through here, you'd think I would've been less surprised that someone was spying on me!"

"Spying?" Canada echoed. He was still in shock that Ukraine had even heard him cough.

"Well, what were you doing watching me?" Ukraine asked, massaging her left shoulder with her hand.

"I, um, well I'm here on tourist business too," Canada said. "I wanted to see Kiev and uh…"

Ukraine was staring right at him. Canada felt incredibly unnerved, wishing he could revert back into his usual ghostlike unimportance.

"Oh! You're lost!" she decided.

"Uhm. Right." Sure, why not? Canada thought.

"So you want me to show you around!"

"…Kay."

"Well, you'll have to wait until after I'm done gardening," Ukraine said. She smiled.

Canada's face burned. "Uhm… sure…"

~1~

Meanwhile, outside Russia's house, Belarus bit her thumbnail. Her eyes scoured the front of the house for any structural weaknesses. It had been fortified since the last time she'd come over. Damn.

Oh, but she'd find a way to be with Russia. And then. And then…

And then they'd be _married._

She glared daggers at the doorstep where, moments before, Latvia had been pounding on the door, screaming. She didn't know what that was all about, but she didn't like it. Latvia was no Lithuania, and he was a bit too young to be a threat to her, but still…

A sour expression on her face, she turned and made her away around the corner of the house, to scout out any possible entryways she may have missed…

~1~

Meanwhile, America was up to something.


	2. Run Latvia Run

**CHAPTER TWO**

Latvia's heart was pounding violently against his ribcage as Russia dragged him down hallways, up and down stairs, through doors (slammed shut after them, and Latvia couldn't help but notice some were missing doorknobs,) and at one point through a secret passageway Russia had concealed behind an armoire. Now they were hunkered down in what appeared to be some sort of safe room. The ceiling was low, the walls were a mixture of gray brick, stone, and dirt, and there were boxes, crates, and shelves. The shelves were stockpiled with food. There was a television and radio. In a corner lay a box marked 'Medical Supplies.'

"Uh, Russia, could I…" Latvia gulped. Russia still looked possessed. He was hugging his knees and staring straight ahead of him. But still, Latvia wanted to ask…

"Russia, I scraped my arm and my head hurts from you grabbing it and, uh, can I look in the medical supplies?"

Latvia wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but Russia's head dipped in a shallow nod. Latvia, still feeling queasily unsure, crawled over to the med kit and opened it. A sweat drop appeared on the back of his head.

Apparently, the only medicine Russia thought he'd ever need was vodka. The kit was full of handles of the stuff.

~2~

America emitted what he thought was a very evil-sounding chuckle. However, because of his voice, it came out sounding like a deranged rabbit.

"_I've got it_!" he shouted, holding up something in his hands covered in a cloth. "I've got a way to make Russia back down once and for all! He'll definitely recognize my superiority! This is fool-proof!"

Meanwhile, France was peering through America's window. "What the hell is he on about?" France yawned, moving a golden lock of hair out of his face. Spying tonight had been exceedingly boring. France had come to watch America's nighttimes activities in hopes that he might see something he could blackmail America with, (or, even better, France thought with a grin, something ooh la la,) but despite sitting here for several hours, he had no idea what the hell America might be holding.

"I'm gonna go home," France groaned. "This is stupid. If it's America, his idea is probably stupid and impractical. But…"

Honestly, America was so stupid and impractical, it was usually fun to watch and see what stupid thing he did next. As long as it didn't hurt France.

"I'll be the hero!" America's voice echoed from inside. France rolled his eyes.

"_Demain_the hero better do something more than just sit at a computer all day," France muttered. "Cheeky bastard, using his computer from the future." The squirrel squeaked in agreement.

~2~

Latvia, having abandoned Russia's med kit, was holding his aching head and trembling in a corner. The room, however, was very small. It was damp inside. The stone-and-dirt walls gave Latvia the impression that they must be somewhere underground. The wall was so low, even short little Latvia had to stoop if he wanted to stand up. Russia was staring patiently at a wall.

A snarl sounded dully from outside. Latvia was amazed that they could hear it. Latvia was even more astounded to see Russia visibly flinch. The large man's shoulders rose, and his mouth sunk beneath his scarf.

"She can't get in," Russia was muttering to himself. "She just has a very loud voice," he said, looking at Latvia as if Latvia had asked him a question.

"Um, Russia…" Latvia tried not to look directly at him.

"Yeeeees?" Russia gave Latvia one of his creepiest grins.

It was a good thing, Russia told himself, that Latvia was here to pick on while he hid out. A very good thing. He had everything now. He had Latvia to pick on. He had his emergency supplies. Everything would be ok, Russia told himself. Eventually Belarus would give up and go home.

She couldn't get into the house. Every window, every door, every everything had been locked. Double-locked. He could relax. Enjoy Latvia's presence.

"Russia, are we hiding out from Belarus?" Latvia blurted. Russia gazed at him, a light smile playing upon his face. Oh god. Latvia squeaked.

"Latvia," he said, putting his hand on Latvia's head and pressing down, "why are you so… small?" Russia increased the pressure in his hand.

The etiolated Latvia tried to free himself from Russia, but when he wiggled Russia clamped his fingers down around the side of his head, latching onto his skull with a vise-like grip.

"We could stretch you," Russia suggested. Latvia's eyes started to water. It was then that Russia remembered that Latvia had been sobbing as he'd pounded on the front door earlier. In fact, his cheeks were still glittering a bit, shiny from drying tears.

Russia wasn't the kind to feel sympathy. Curiosity, yes. He took his hand off of Latvia's head and decided upon staring at him while smiling childishly, which he knew to be very effective in terrifying each of the Baltic States. He pressed the back of his hand to Latvia's wet cheek, and froze this way. A lock of hair fell in Russia's face; he ignored it. After a minute or two of this, Latvia shivering and Russia wearing a frozen rictus, Latvia completely freaked. He flailed violently, shoved himself backwards, and crashed against the back of the wall. Latvia felt a small twinge in his lower back that he chose to ignore.

"M-Maybe you forgot something for your safe room," Latvia suggested. "I-I-I could go retrieve it for you."

"Latviaaaaaaaaaaa."

"Yes?"

"Latviaaaaaaaaaaa."

"_Yes_?"

Russia's grin widened to Cheshire proportions. "Why are you crying, Latvia?"

_Because you're scaring the shit out of me!_Latvia wanted to scream. Instead, his throat seemed to close up.

"Why were you crying _earlier_, Latvia?" Russia had ESP as well? His nonchalant smile seemed too cruel. Latvia scooted away from Russia.

"Oh, that," he said dully. "Uh-h-hmm… Well…"

Where to begin?

~2~

It was half an hour after we last checked in with France and America. Pink sunlight was beginning to bathe the world. Soft snores came from the bushes outside America's house. France had fallen asleep there. The intrusive squirrel was sitting on his chest, staring directly at France's closed eyelids.

"_Hé la Chine,_" France mumbled between snores. "_Est-ce que tu veux devenir mon bébé ?_" The squirrel sweatdropped.

The front door slammed open. France snorted and sat up, leaves poking haphazardly out of his blonde hair.

"What now?"

America was cloaked in a big, black robe, the top of which was thrown over his head. From France's angle America's face wasn't visible, but he could hear America muttering to himself. The words mingled and become indistinguishable, making them sound like some sort of sinister cultist's chant.

A chill crept over France.

America turned his face towards France, and France gulped so hard he almost swallowed his tongue. America's eyes were glowing red.

This was actually because America hadn't slept in days. He had been working on his project. His secret. But damn, the effect was creepy.

"Is someone there?" America crooned. His voice cracked. France started to shake. His heart beat in his throat.

America stood there for a few moments, listening. France stayed as still as possible, but as luck would have it, a bit of pollen decided to float right past his nose…

"ACHOO!"

"WHAT! Who's there?" America shrieked.

The squirrel, which had been nestled on France's toned stomach, leapt out of the bushes and looked sideways at America before scurrying off.

America grinned. "It was just a squirrel! I didn't realize squirrels could sneeze so loud!" America spun around and waved goodbye to someone inside his house. "Bye, Tony!" he cried, and then shut the door.

France sighed loudly in relief, then, realizing he'd made a sound, clapped his hands over his mouth. America hadn't noticed, however; he was running across his yard singing to himself. France sweat dropped.

Time to follow America and find out what he was up to.

~2~

In some different time zone, Canada was sitting off the side, watching Ukraine gardening. He'd only been sitting there for a few minutes, perhaps as long as half an hour, but it was some of the most excruciatingly awkward time he'd ever spent. Ukraine was paying him no attention. She was a few yards away from him, bent over, her bottom high in the air. She was reaching in the dirt to retrieve her button. It had popped off her shirt again.

"Um… Excuse me," Canada asked in an airy voice. "Would you want some help? Or something…"

Ukraine looked up quickly. "No, I'm fine! It'll just be awhile longer."

"Ah… ok then…" Canada hugged his knees to his chest. He leaned his forehead against his knees and blushed.

~2~

Iceland was sitting on a shelf of ice, playing Solitaire by himself, a puffin resting on his head.

"I sure wish tourism would pick up so someone would visit me," he grumbled.

Nobody answered.

~2~

"I-If you need anything," Canada continued, "I can go get it for you at the store, and bring it back here!"

"Ah!" Ukraine sat up, causing her oversized bosoms to jiggle loudly. "That would be helpful, I suppose! You can get the ingredients for dinner! After I finish gardening, I'll make you dinner, and then in the morning you and I can set out and see everything together!"

Canada's eyes widened. He stared. Had this girl just invited him to stay at her house! She was going to cook him food! Was this like…?

Was this like one of those date things France was always talking about? Canada suddenly felt nauseous.

~2~

Russia was so bewildered by Latvia's actions, he even forgot about Belarus for a short while. The boy had burst out into tears, shaken his arms like he was trying to fly, and then run out of the safe room, down the secret passageway, and out into the hallway.

What the hell could be bothering him that he didn't want to tell his dear, dear Mother Russia?

Russia sighed. Well, now that Latvia was gone, he could enjoy the… _other_"emergency" supplies.

He sunk his hand into a tall crate and pulled out a magazine, grinning lecherously. Holding it up in the air, he let the centerfold unfold freely and…

…reveal a world map. Every country was colored red, and the bottom of the map read "The World of Mother Russia."

"Ehehe…" A bit of drool escape Russia's lips and landed on his scarf.

Everything would become _one_with Mother Russia…

~2~

Canada was sitting inside Ukraine's sparsely-furnished house, watching her scribble out a shopping list for him. She finished writing the last item with a flourish. She turned, sloooowly, trying to make sure her shirt button didn't pop of and bean Canada in the forehead. She held out the list for him.

"Here you go," she said with a shy smile. "Go and pick these things up and then dinner can be prepared when you return!" Her shirt button popped off and beaned Canada in the forehead.

Canada, not really sure what was going on, but willing to go along with it anyway, took the list from Ukraine, very conscious of when their fingers brushed against each other.

_I wish France were here to tell me what to do_. Canada whimpered internally.

Little did he know he'd get what he wanted very soon.

Ukraine pointed him in the direction of the nearest grocery store, and Canada headed off.

The poor, usually-neglected country was a mess. Why was the Ukraine talking to him? Why was any girl talking to him? Why was anyone talking to him? How had anyone noticed him?

Canada had never been… _noticed_before. He had always assumed it would feel wonderful, especially getting noticed by a girl. It didn't; he was terrified.

"Ahh, girls are kind of scary," he said. "I need to talk to France! France is kind of like a girl, he'll know what to do."

France had used to pay attention to him. In fact, the law the country of Canada had bilingual signs everywhere. France's presence could still be felt. But France was usually too busy fighting with England to come visit Canada anymore.

It was then that Canada realized that Kumajirou wasn't with him.

~2~

She had settled on scratching on the door with her sharp nails. Deep grooves were etched into the wood by now. She continued to make animal noises.

"Russia," she growled, "I'm going to get inside, one way or another…!"

~2~

Iceland sighed while setting up a game of Freecell. "Someday someone will visit me…"

**New updates every Thursday!**


	3. He Feels Self Conscious When He Flushes

Canada made his way down the wide forest path. He couldn't think of where he'd last seen his pet polar bear. The sky was just beginning to orange with the promise of sunset, and a gentle wind rustled the leaves. It also rustled the shopping list Canada held in his hand, which he regarded with dread. Now that someone was finally paying attention to him, he was afraid he'd screw up. He didn't want the only person who cared to think he was some sort of screw-up. The other countries never gave him a chance. This small thing, this trip to the grocery store, felt like a big moment to him. Which is pretty pathetic when you think about it. Poor Canada!

Canada glanced again at the list. He could still feel where Ukraine's fingers had brushed against his. His cheeks warmed. Canada sighed. "Well, Kumajirou must have stayed behind with her… I guess I can't blame him."

To tell the truth, Canada's pet polar bear was not Canada's favorite thing in the world. The fact that his sentient ursine pet could never even remember who Canada was absolutely wrecked Canada's already-too-fragile self-esteem. Also, it wasn't easy to carry him everywhere. He was fluffy, but he was _heavy_.

"Fatty bear," Canada murmured to himself. "He never remembers who I am…"

But! Canada's eyes widened in fear. That girl… that _pretty_, seemingly _nice _girl… She was going to cook him dinner!

What were you supposed to do when a girl cooked you dinner, anyway? Canada tried to think.

What would France do?

…Best not to think about it.

…

…

Ok no seriously, what _would_ France do?

Hell, what would France do even if he just saw a pretty girl on the street?

"Hello there!" Canada imagined France crooning. "Do you have a boyfriend? Oh, you do? Don't you think you deserve a better one? I bet I could introduce you to a more mature kind of love—"

"Arg." Canada slapped his forehead. "I can't believe I speak the same language as that guy."

But hey. French _was _the language of love. And Canada could speak it. So…

Maybe there was hope for him after all.

Ugh, probably not.

~3~

The clock was striking nine as Latvia crawled out of the secret passageway and into the dining room. It was dark and radiated an aura of general doom. It reminded him of the Resident Evil games. The young man shivered.

Latvia wasn't sure what floor he was on. Russia had led him up and down stairs, twisting and turning on a tortuous path. Now Latvia was lost in his mansion. He sighed.

"I wish I was under Germany instead of Russia," he sighed. He tried to imagine what being lost inside Germany's mansion would be like. For some reason, he wanted to say it would smell like pasta. He furrowed his brow a little. No, that wasn't right.

The dining room windows were covered by thick curtains. What type of day was it? He started to move towards the windows, but stopped short. He didn't know what floor he was on. What if he parted the curtains and Belarus' face was there, snarling at him, her blonde hair would of place like a wild lion's mane, her nails scraping against the window pane…

Or worse, her outside the window like that, and it being the _second _floor. Or third or fourth.

Just thinking about it made him need to pee. Latvia decided to go find a bathroom, since he'd needed to relieve himself, anyway.

It seemed strange. Belarus definitely freaked Russia out, but he'd never seen Russia so scared before. Belarus was jealous and freaky, but she didn't normally stalk around Russia's house for hours. She usually just followed him in the park, at world meetings, in restaurants, at the beach, at anime conventions, at old-school Russian discotheques (Russia knew how to get down!), wherever Russia was when he stalking Lithuania… There weren't many places Russia was safe. But Latvia couldn't remember the last time Belarus had stalked Russia for _hours_. (Wait, how long had Latvia been in here? Hadn't he just got here? He didn't even know _that_! Maybe he'd just been in here a few minutes?) Something was going on. Something weird.

Then again, Latvia had his own worries. If he left the house, Belarus would probably leave him alone. But if he left, Belarus could get into the house and find Russia. And while, Latvia would secretly admit, it was always nice to see Russia get a bit freaked out once in a while, Latvia wouldn't wish Belarus on anyone.

"I'll call Lithuania for advice," he murmured. "After I find the bathroom."

Latvia poked his head out into the hallway. It was clean and ornamentally decorated. He slipped out of the dining room and pussyfooted down the hall.

~3~

Iceland shuffled his playing cards and laid out another Freecell game, sighing heavily.

~3~

America was hard to keep up with. Even though the young man lived on a diet of steady Big Macs and cola, France had to admit America was in terrific shape. He was negating the stereotypes of the typical American and sprinting full speed ahead.

"All of this running is kind of stupid," France mumbled as he kept a steady pace behind America. "I prefer to lose weight in a more… hm… , _special_ way. And if we're gonna do all this running, we might as well act like the ancient Olympians and do it in the nude. A good breeze is nice… Hmmmm…"

France slowed down a bit, lost in his own thoughts.

"Yup," he said. "That's what we should do."

America was becoming a dot on the horizon. France sighed and picked up speed. They were coming up to the Atlantic Ocean, which they would cross, of course, easiest way.

~3~

"You're an idiot," England scolded. "Seriously. This is some Grade A foolery. How am I supposed to show my face around town now, knowing you've done such a stupid thing?

"Look, you're still kind of my little brother. And you're, well, you're frigging _embarrassing _me. And… Hey, don't play with that…

"Sealand! Seriously! Are you just going to play with your food, or are you going to eat it?"

Sealand put down his fork and sighed. "I know you went through all the trouble of cooking this meal for me, but I also know you just did it as a pretense so that you could invite me here to yell at me. Also, this food sucks. But I think you know that by now."

"Well, you shouldn't be so recklessly, impossibly, and hopelessly stupid!" England furrowed his eyebrows. "And there's nothing wrong with my food! Honestly, I can't believe you thought this would be a good— Pay attention!"

~3~

Latvia zipped up his pants and flushed the toilet. The loud noise as the water was sucked down the drain made him wince.

_She's OUTSIDE_, he told himself. _She can't hear me flushing the toilet. Besides, this bathroom is in the middle of the house, with no windows. _

Still, gooseflesh rose on his arms.

"Ok, well," he said to himself as he dried his hands. His voice echoing in the tiny, well-lit bathroom, his reflection in the mirror… Everything made him shudder. "I'll just go call Lithuania," he whispered to himself. He tiptoed out of the bathroom and promptly fell crashing down the stairs. He even broke several priceless Ming vases Russia still had from back when Russia had been stalking China.

Latvia lay in a crumpled heap on the hardwood floor. "Fuuuuuuuu—"

~3~

Belarus was playing on a swing outside Russia's house. It was old and small, made for children. Her, Russia, and Ukraine used to play on it all the time when they were little. She smiled.

A great crash came from inside the mansion.

She snapped to attention. _So_. They were still inside. Of course they were. The only way she could imagine them getting out is it England tried to summon Russia as some sort of demon. And while that wasn't impossible, since England was a weirdo and often tried to summon demons and other dumb things, the deafeningly silence inside that house and made her wonder.

Belarus frowned. All of the doors had been locked, and all of the windows were also locked. She could, however, break a window and climb through the glass debris to make her way inside, but, honestly, couldn't Russia just not play this hard to get?

She wasn't dumb. She knew he was avoiding her, that he didn't want to marry her, that he was probably freaked out because they would probably have deformed hillbilly kids. But her country wanted this.

Besides, this time it was all going to work out just the way she wanted it to. She just needs to talk to Russia face-to-face.

~3~

"Do you like my skirt?"

Poland did a small twirl on top of the hill.

Lithuania sweat dropped. "It's very… pink."

"What about the barrettes?"

"Also very pink. Is this for a costume party?"

"No, I just, like, felt like dressing up today."

"The t-shirt is nice," Lithuania said. It was white, with two pink smiling pony faces on it towards the bottom. The faces were connected by a high-arcing rainbow. It was tight, too, and showed off Poland's skinny, girlish figure. Lithuania couldn't help but notice that Poland had definitely shaved his legs, too.

"Hmmm? Why are you staring at my legs?" Poland gave Lithuania a smug grin.

"I wasn't staring!"

"You weren't?"

Poland was trying to figure out something else to say when Lithuania's phone rang.

"Showing off your cell phone from the future, huh?" He sneered. Lithuania excused himself and answered it.

"LITHUANIA!"

Lithuania held the phone about a foot away from his ear. "Latvia, what's wrong?"

Poland, who had been admiring his legs and wondering why anyone _wouldn't _want to admire them, snapped to attention. He shot Lithuania a suspicious look. Lithuania returned it with a guilty one, although he couldn't explain why he felt so guilty.

"I'm trapped in Russia's house!" Latvia howled. (He had apparently forgotten all about being quiet.) "And I kind of broke some stuff, and Russia's practically in a catatonic state, and Belarus is trying to get in and I don't know what to doooooo."

"…Oh geez," Lithuania said. Poland had rolled over on his stomach and was glaring gloomily off into the distance. His skirt, Lithuania noticed, besides being pink, was also very short.

"Well?" Latvia asked desperately.

"That's certainly a bad situation you've gotten yourself in," Lithuania said. "But I'm… not sure what I should tell you. You should probably just leave."

"But then Russia will be attacked by Belarus!"

"Hmm…"

"Lithuania! Are you staring at my butt?" Poland asked.

"_No_," he said. "Listen, Latvia," he said into the phone, "Russia can handle himself. I'd abandon ship if I were you."

"But Russia will get angry and he's really freaky when he's mad. Actually," Latvia added, "he's really freaky all the time. And I think something's wrong with him. What would you do?"

Lithuania sighed. Latvia was always coming to him for advice. The boy had a bit of a crush on him.

"I don't know," Lithuania said. "I suppose I'd just hang about until Russia decided to act. Just… go read a book, or something. And don't worry. Belarus isn't going to bother _you_. She thinks Russia likes _me_, for some reason."

Poland's left eye began to twitch.

"Come get me," Latvia begged. "Russia gave you a key, right? You can come here, and I'll leave, and you can lock the door behind me and then we'll run. Then Russia is safe from Belarus, and I can leave!"

"That sounds a bit ridiculous," Lithuania said.

"I'm desperate here!"

"Lieeeeet," Poland whined. "Like, being on the phone when I'm here is totally rude and stuff."

"Sorry! Just a sec. Look, Latvia, I know I have a key to Russia's house, and I know you want me to come get you, but I'm kind of busy and it's getting pretty late. Just stay in one of Russia's guest rooms. Belarus will get tired and leave before long."

"But something's different about this time!"

"Calm down!" Lithuania said. "Russia's not going to hurt you beyond stretching you or pushing down on your head. Belarus isn't going to touch you unless, I dunno, you friggin' sit on Russia's lap or something. Just don't do that."

"Who the hell _would_!"

"Just go get some sleep and calm down," Lithuania insisted. "If your still freaked out tomorrow, then just leave. Russia can handle himself."

"'Kay," Latvia moaned. He sounded miserable. Lithuania felt a twinge of guilt as he hung up the phone.

"You have a key to Russia's house n' stuff?" Poland asked.

"Mmhm."

"Ah, how, like, intimate," Poland said offhandedly.

Lithuania sweat dropped again. "I think you have the wrong idea."

Poland grabbed Lithuania's arm. "Hey, let's, like, go get milkshakes or whatever."

~3~

"_Really_!" England continue upbraiding. "Of all the stupid things to do."

Sealand rolled his eyes.

"You're not going until I'm finished," England warned.

Sealand held his hand in his chin, rested his elbows on the table, and sighed. England was so unfriendly. He was never going to be popular with girls.

**And I think I'll stop here. Holy crap, Poland is fun to write. He's sticking around. Originally I had planned for only a few characters to be in this, but everybody keeps cropping up! Lol. Next update next Thursday! In the meantime, I've got a one-shot up if you're bored. :P**


	4. They Bring All the Boys to the Yard

America clutched the disc tightly underneath his cloak. He slowed his pace, exhausted from running all day. Even with sugary cocaine-flavored Red Bull to aid him, it would still take him awhile to get to Russia's house and enact his plan.

The smell of salty water reached his nostrils. He breathed in deep. He loved the smell of the Atlantic Ocean.

"Time to take my super fast method across the ocean!" He giggled to himself and set off.

A few minutes later, France arrived.

"Time to take America's super fast method across the ocean!" he announced to the squirrel who had, against all odds, followed him. France had named him Pierre.

~4~

"Let's stop by my house," Poland tugged Lithuania along. "I want to change my clothes into something more effective."

"Effective? Are we on some sort of mission? You're a dead-ringer for a girl already, if it involves undercover work."

_Well, that might've been a stupid thing to say_, Lithuania introspected.

Poland's eyes lit up. "Really? I just wanted to change out of this skirt into something plaid. I think plaid looks amazing on me. Oh, and you can see how I've had my house repainted. It matches my eyes."

The sky was darkening as they made their way to Poland's place. Poland dragged Lithuania down the halls to his room.

"No peeking," Poland teased. He stuck out his tongue before he cheekily slammed the door in Lithuania's face.

Lithuania sighed. It either sucked to be him, or…

Or something else. Something less-than-sucky. Maybe it was ok to be him. He hadn't really decided yet.

When Poland came out a few minutes later in a plaid skirt, a white t-shirt with a smiling neon yellow sun, a red barrette in his hair and bracelets in both gold and white, it didn't help Lithuania make up his mind.

"Alright then!" Poland linked his arm with Lithuania's. "Time for my milkshakes!"

"Ok," Lithuania said. "Where do you want to go?"

"There's, like, a new place on Main Street," Poland said, linking his arm with Lithuania's.

"Will it still be open? It's getting kind of dark." _And why are you clinging to me? _Lithuania wanted to add.

~4~

Latvia had found the guest room he deemed to be the most safe – a third floor room with an in-suite bathroom and no windows. There was only one door connecting him to the hallway, and he'd locked it. The young boy laid back on the bed and shut his eyes almost immediately. Fear was exhausting.

Don't sit on Russia's lap, Lithuania had advised, and you'll be ok.

"Not even if he were dressed like Santa Claus," Latvia murmured before drifting off. Sleep would briefly let him leave all his troubles behind…

~4~

"You're going to apologize," England concluded simply. He was standing with one hand on the back of a chair, gazing sternly the occupant of the chair's twin across the table. Sealand stuck his tongue out at him. "Don't you make that face at me. You're so embarrassing. You know you're not even a real country, right?"

"The country of Germany recognizes me!" Sealand protested.

"What, because they sent an ambassador to your place during that whole thing with Achenbach in '78? Oh please. Nobody thinks that really counts."

Sealand squirmed in his seat, his face growing hot with frustration. "You're so friggin' annoying!" Sealand blurted. "And… your eyebrows… are stupid!"

"_I _happen to think my eyebrows make me look dashing," England replied tersely. Sealand didn't have a proper comeback for that, so he just stuck out his tongue again.

England sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "You have a population of _three_," he said. "What on Earth did you think was going to happen? Do you even have a plan?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? But maybe not?" England sighed and ran a hand through his blonde hair. "I'm not getting you out of this one. You're on your own."

Sealand pulled his hat down so that it shadowed his eyes. "I don't need you," he said in a gravelly voice. England raised one of his bizarre eyebrows. Was Sealand trying to sound tough? With a hat like _that_?

"You just sound ridiculous." England frowned.

"I think I sound like Christian Bale."

"Oh please." England rolled his eyes. "Stop messing around."

"I'm not messing around!"

England sat down and folded his hands on the table in front of him. "So," he persisted, "if you've got a plan, tell me what is."

~4~

After drooling over his custom world map for awhile, Russia was helping himself to some of the "emergency supplies."

"Can't believe they banned overnight sales of vodka in 2010," Russia pouted. "Good thing I've been stocking up. Although, this would be more fun if Latvia were still here."

Russia frowned. Latvia hadn't come back. Had he evacuated the premises? If he had…

_Had he left the door unlocked?_

Russia clambered to his feet. "Oh shit."

Luckily he hadn't downed too much of his emergency supplies just yet. He made his way down the secret passageway and into the dark dining room. He sweat dropped. "Even I'm creeped out by this room. I think I'll need to redecorate later. Hm… Maybe it should be redecorated in a trendy style?"

The house was eerily silent. Once he reached the first floor, Russia tiptoed towards the front door. He couldn't judge if it was locked just by squinting at it in the dark. He knew he was passing by windows that had the curtains drawn, but he had to risk it. Eventually he segued from tiptoeing into a swift stride, grabbed the handle of the front door, and pulled. The door remained in place, although it made a small _thump_ noise in its frame.

Russia sighed in contented relief.

~4~

"MARRY ME!" Belarus shrieked, throwing herself at the front door. She grasped the handle and tugged for all she was worth. "MARRY ME MARRY ME MARRY ME MARRY ME."

She could hear Russia's muffled shouts from inside. Hear him skittering down the hallway. She ran around to the side of the house so she could look through the windows as Russia ran up the stairs. Gawd. He could just open the friggin' door and be civil. She was starting to get a bit miffed.

~4~

Poland was holding his friend's arm rather tightly. His plaid skirt hugged his girlish hips rather stylishly, and the dimming sunlight reflected off his barrette in a flashy way. Lithuania was a bit surprised that Poland could look this good while cross-dressing. Then again, Poland was always surprising.

"I've been thinking of redecorating my dining room," Poland explained. Their footfalls were lost in the general din of the town. After dark was the busiest time for bars and night clubs and other places Lithuania generally hoped Poland wouldn't suggest they go.

An icy feeling was sliding up and down Lithuania's back. A nervous pit in his stomach. The same one he always got around the unpredictable Poland. He would feel a lot better if Poland wasn't clinging to him. It reminded him of Italy and Germany, and who knew what the hell was going on there.

"Is that the place where we're going to get milkshakes?" Lithuania pointed to a dark building with a huge neon sign reading _Milkshakes_. The sign was flanked by flickering neon images of dancing girls. A poster on the door read NO ADMITTANCE UNDER THE AGE OF 21.

Poland blushed. "Perv," he said. "I didn't know you were into that."

"Into what?"

"You're getting a different kind of shake."

"So, what? Chocolate?"

"_Idiot_." Poland tugged hard of Lithuania's arm. They cut through a crush of people, Poland huffing and muttering criticisms under his breath.

About a block away, Lithuania understood.

"_Oh_," he said. "Oh."

"Like the Kelis song," Poland supplemented.

"Oh."

"You're an idiot."

"Ah, well." Lithuania said. "Let's just go get our milkshakes."

"Do you think I'd be pretty enough to work at that club back there?"

"What? Uh." Lithuania sweat dropped. "Uhm. I don't think you've got the… uh… right stuff."

Poland's eyes flashed angrily. "What, I'm not pretty enough?"  
>"No, I mean you're working with the… the wrong equipment."<p>

The blonde huffed. "I don't know what you mean," he teased, even though he understood just fine.

"You, y'know… You have a… I mean, you are a…" _Ok, Lithy, don't friggin' trip over these words, _Lithuania said. _It's simple. Just say,_ _"You're a girl."_

"Hey, _what_?" Poland nagged.

"You have a penis," Lithuania blurted.

_Well, fuck. That was a very Latvia thing to do._

Now it was Poland's turn to blush. "You _pervert_," he hissed happily. Then he grinned. "Ok, time for milkshakes. You're idiocy makes me… kind of hungry."

Lithuania sighed. Lithuania sighed a lot. Lithuania knew, too, that he was going to sigh many, many more times before the night way over.

"Look at that tranny couple on a date over there," someone said, pointing to the two as they entered the restaurant. "I heard one of them talking about the other's penis!"

Lithuania sighed.

~4~

Iceland had his laptop out. Amazingly, it plugged into a power outlet that was for some reason on the iceberg he was seated on. He was making an eHarmony profile.

~4~

The restaurant looked like a regular, old-fashioned malt shoppe. As Lithuania looked at the menu while following a hostess to their seats, he saw that in addition to milkshakes, there were sodas and beer and random fruity juice mixes. He hoped Poland didn't suggest they get drunk.

Poland slid his butt into one of the plastic booths, but when Lithuania seated himself across from him, he moved so that he was sitting next to Lithuania.

"Wouldn't it be easier for us to talk if we were face to face?" Lithuania sweat dropped.

"No, this is a lot better," Poland insisted. "It's more—"

"Intimate?" Lithuania guessed. Poland's eyes got wide, and his gaze sunk to the table.

_I must be mistaken, _Lithuania guessed. _It can't really be this obvious. This is like, twenty times worse than Latvia. And being more obvious than Latvia can actually be hard._

"I'd rather you sit across from me," Lithuania sighed.

Poland didn't listen. He was looking at the menu. "Now that we're here, I'm kind of hungry. Let's get some food, too." He sipped at the complimentary water a server had automatically brought. "Oh, and you're paying."

Lithuania sighed.

~4~

Latvia had sweet dreams for awhile, but eventually they segued hazily into a familiar dream where he had arrived at school only in his underwear, and for some reason France was substituting for his teacher that day, and Russia was the janitor outside. Luckily he had been plagued by this dream before, and he knew what to do. He pinched himself.

Latvia opened his eyes, blinked blearily, rubbed them, rolled over onto his side, shuddered, and went back to sleep to have dreams that would hopefully be much less disturbing.

~4~

"Is it lame to put my sign in my profile?" Iceland asked. "Some people take those things seriously, you know."

The iceberg he was sitting on didn't answer.

~4~

Poland sighed heavily.

"Is something wrong?" Lithuania already knew. He was just trying to be polite.

_"NO_, duh, everything is totally cool," was the reply. Poland wouldn't look at him. "So, uh, what's up with you having a key to Russia's place anyway?"

"You're still on about that?" Lithuania sighed. "I told you. We used to—"

"Is he your ex? Not that I, like, care or anything. Cause Russia calls you that sometimes, but it's, like, seriously hard to know when that guy is serious or when he's just fucking with you, you know?" Poland turned and directed his gaze at his friend. He tried to let his eyes glaze over with nonchalance. "Well?"

"Aheh…" Lithuania scratched his cheek, and gave a half-hearted smile, and said…

"Well, I guess it depends on your interpretation of things."

Poland grabbed Lithuania by the collar. "What the eff does that mean!"

~4~

"Oi, West." Prussia motioned over to where Poland and Lithuania were seated. "Isn't that Poland and Lithuania?"

"Hm?" Germany turned his head to observe the two suspicious figures.

"What the hell is that guy doing sitting like that?" Prussia cackled to himself. "It looks like the two of them are on a date or something! Wouldn't that be ridiculous? I mean, Poland's really girly, too, and, frig, is he wearing a skirt? Ahahahaha!" Prussia leaned hard into the table as he laughed.

Germany had his eyebrow raised. "Poland's taste in clothing is… interesting."

"You know, West, he doesn't look half bad! Heh! He's pretty girly looking. Hey, what do you think he'd do if a guy asked him on a date right now? Do you think he'd freak? What do you think it would be like to be straight and have some guy come up to you and ask you out?"

Germany stared pensively into his beer. After a moment's pause, he shrugged. He sipped his beer and silently mused. The beer wasn't as good as the beers they'd been having at a bar earlier, but a brawl had broken out and Germany had thought it prudent to leave. He'd had to drag Prussia out of the bar with him, as Prussia had been busy egging on the fight's bellicose contenders.

"Oi, West." Prussia prodded him, snickering. "Seriously, go ask him on a date as a joke."

"Not a chance," he replied curtly.

"Aw, no fun. Hm, what do you think Lithuania would do? God, he looks apprehensive, all holed up there with Poland blocking his way out of the booth. Hehehe. They really do look like they're on a date! I really want to see what Poland would do if a man _were _to ask him out." Prussia chuckled.

Germany's eyes slid up his forehead again. "It kind of looks like Poland would, too."

Prussia's eyes shone with delight.

~4~

"Latviaaaaa."

A sweet voice was calling him.

"Latviaaaaa."

It sounded _so_ sweet. In his dream, he was floating on clouds. The voice emanated from all around him, radiating into his being, filling him with what must have been pure light. He felt elated. He floated across the sky.

"_Angels must be calling me_," dream-Latvia said, gentle tears welling up in his eyes. "_They've come to take me away from all my troubles and cares…_"

Suddenly he farted. He blushed. "_Ahaha, it's ok, the angels don't care…_"

He was suddenly aware that the sky was emptying itself of clouds. One by one they vanished. Soon they were replaced by columns of smoke.

"Latvia." The voice kept calling. "Latvia…"

"_I'm going to find the angels_," Latvia sniffed. "Where are you!" he shouted.

"I'm right here, Latvia." The sky suddenly aflame, Latvia found himself shaken awake. The young man's eyes fluttered open and he screamed. Inches away from his face was the grinning visage of Russia, his scarf hanging off his neck.

"You farted," Russia said.

Latvia screamed again and sat up sharply, smacking his forehead against Russia's. "Ow!"

**These chapters are getting longer! :) Another chapter Thursday, unless I get enough reviews to motivate me to post up chapters faster! **

**Please do review! I really, really love reviews. : )**


	5. Some Guys Can REALLY Pull It Off

Clutching his forehead, Latvia rolled to the side and spilled over the side of the bed.

"Is something wrong, Latvia?"

Latvia tried to twist himself so that he was facing up. Russia's face grinned hauntingly down at him. And he was wearing a Santa hat. Latvia's eyes widened.

_Not even if he was dressed as Santa Claus._

"A SANTA HAT!"

"Ja, it was a present from Finland a while back," Russia explained. He watched as Latvia struggled to his feet. The poor boy had tangled himself in the covers as he'd thrashed to the ground.

"B-B-But w-why are you w-wearing it?" Latvia asked, shaking his leg to knock off the last bit of clinging blanket. Russia's eyes flashed with delight. He didn't know why Santa Claus was freaking Latvia out, but he _did _know he'd just found a new way to have fun.

Truth was, Russia had been checking all of the rooms for Latvia. Torturing—er, "spending quality time" with someone would calm him down, he told himself. His heart was still racing a bit from his run-in with Belarus. While checking the rooms, he'd come upon a storage room, and this Santa cap had just happened to be perched droopily on one of the boxes. And Russia had though, _why not? _Even Mother Russia had a bit of whimsy.

As for how Russia got into the guest room even though Latvia had locked it… Well, there was a key above the doorframe. Latvia really should have checked.

Russia smiled.

"So Latvia has a Santa fetish?" he teased.

"_I d-don't have a Santa fetish_," Latvia blurted. Russia smirked and adjusted his scarf. He lowered himself to the ground so that he would be seated next to Latvia, then reached out and rested his hand on top of Latvia's head.

"Since we're trapped in here, we should play a game, Latviaaa." Russia's face erupted into a terrifying grin.

"I-I don't think I want to playa game!" Latvia wailed. "Please, don't stretch me right now!"

_Jēzus, _Latvia thought, _I wish Lithuania or even Estonia were here!_

~5~

_I wish I'd gone to help Latvia, _Lithuania thought to himself. Poland seemed to be on a mission to completely embarrass the two of them. He had scooted so close to Lithuania that you couldn't have fit two fingers between their hips. And Poland kept dipping his head towards Lithuania's shoulder, as if he was toying with the idea of resting it there.

"Hey~" Poland cooed. "The waitress is coming over."

The waitress was one of those women who you just couldn't help but notice was gorgeous. Poland frowned, and linked his right arm through Lithuania's left.

"What can I get for you sweethearts?" The woman flashed a dazzling smile. The two men blushed.

"We're getting milkshakes!" Poland replied hastily.

"But Poland, I thought you were hungry, too—"

"I'll have a strawberry because it's like, the most colorful," Poland interjected, "and this guy here, he'll have the… chocolate." Poland turned and winked at Lithuania. "Because he likes things his milkshakes out of the ordinary, apparently." Poland turned and gave the woman a very stern look that caused her to sweat drop. "I know what he wants, because we're so _close_," he said, squeezing Lithuania's arm.

Lithuania sighed. _Yeah, I definitely should've gone to save Latvia._

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

_Who the hell is laughing at us so hard? That sounds like…_

"West, check them oooout!" Prussia howled. He fell back in his seat, knocking his knees against the bottom of the table. His beer spilled over the side.

"Hey!" Germany reached out to grab Prussia by the collar, to reprimand him, to do _something_, but in a flash his brother had spilled out of his seat, doubled over, and started pounding his hands against the floor, Germany gave up and sighed. He put his hand on his forehead.

"The people that are always around me…" He took another sip of his beer.

"HEY! LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU ASSHOLE?" Poland screeched. He shoved Lithuania back a bit and stood up to show the two mockers that he meant business. Germany's eyes grew as large as saucers.

"I was—WHOAA." Prussia's eyes grew similarly.

_He's wearing a skirt, _Germany and Prussia thought. Just then, two customers entered the malt shoppe, and a breeze entered with him. The breeze ruffled Poland's plaid skirt lightly about his perfectly shaved legs.

_He's so pretty, _the two brothers thought in unison.

"Eh?" Prussia stood up. "What, um… What a weird guy!"

"YOU WANNA FIGHT!" Poland screamed. _Man, I hope they don't want to fight, _he thought.

_He better not want me to fight for him, _Lithuania grumbled internally.

"THIS GUY'LL, LIKE, TOTES KICK YOUR BUTTS!" Poland declared, pointing directly at Lithuania.

_Damn it._

"Um… no, that's alright," Prussia conceded. He slid back into his seat. Germany and Prussia exchanged glances, and, blushing, went back to their beers.

"Hey, look," one of the customers who had just entered whispered to the other, "that guy looks really good in a skirt."

"Some guys can pull it off," the customer's friend replied. "My neighbor cross-dresses quite well. He's an Italian, but he was dressed up for some Hungarian festival one day…"

"Hm? Do you think Italians always look so good in Hungarian clothes?" The two customers laughed.

"Oi, West. Your face is turning red." Prussia leaned in close. He didn't want to mess with Poland, but he was always happy to make fun of his brother. "I think you drank too much."

"You're wrong! And besides, you're the one who literally fell over laughing! That should just be an expression, at least in most cases!"

"Geez, you don't have to be so serious about it." Prussia's smirk melted off his face. "Oi West, I think I'll be heading out soon."

_Good riddance, _Germany thought to himself.

"West." Prussia squinted drunkenly at his brother. "Your face is all red."

"So is yours," Germany replied tersely.

"Ahhhhh." Prussia grinned. "Could it be that my baby brother is a lot drunker than he thinks?"

Germany sighed. "I'm fine," he replied.

"Huuuuuh, you're sure about that huh." Prussia snickered. "Whatever. You better be able to get back to your house by yourself."

Germany sighed. From across the restaurant, he heard Lithuania sighing loudly as well.

~5~

The sky was dark. The trees looked sinister. And Canada was lost. He shivered, wishing he had somebody to accompany him. Even Kumajirou would do. Heck, even Cuba would do!

_Hey, _Canada thought to himself, _Cuba's another person who remembers me!_

_ ….Or rather, remembers I exist. _He remembered Cuba screaming at him under the false pretense that Canada was actually America. Followed by Cuba's contrite apology and the invitation to come visit Cuba. Followed by Cuba screaming at Canada at the airport, thinking Canada was America.

_Still_, Canada said, _at least Cuba can figure it out some of the time. And he never thinks I'm invisible. He's the best friend that I've got on the show—um, I mean in the world. I wish I didn't look so much like my brother, though… _

"I don't think I'm going to be making it back in time," he groaned to himself. He leaned over and sighed. "I'm so lost," he said glumly.

Canada exhaled sharply as something rustled in the nearby bushes. The entire bush started to quake. Canada's eyes widened, and he started to wonder if he was going to make it back at all.

~5~

Austria glanced up from his newspaper to regard the clock. The sun had set an hour ago, and a pervading darkness had overtaken the day. He raised a single eyebrow.

"Germany still isn't home yet," he said to himself. "I wonder if Italy's holding him up somewhere. Ah well." He smiled. "This just means I can play on the piano."

He stood up and made his way over to the black baby grand.

~5~

"Hm…" Ukraine glanced at the clock. "That guy is pretty late… Maybe he got lost?"

She rubbed her shoulders. Her back was _killing _her. "I should call the police," she decided. She picked up the phone and dialed 112. She remembered when America had, histrionically, called 911 when Ukraine claimed her back to be _killing _her. She had to explain to him that the emergency numbers were different here, and that for many European countries the emergency number was 112. And also that her back wasn't actually going to murder her in cold blood.

"Come to think of it, my visitor looks like a lot like America," she said. Then she sweat dropped and hung up the phone.

"What was that guy's name again….?" She frowned. "Reporting this to the police might be harder than I thought…"

She paced back and forth a bit. "I guess," she said slowly to herself, "I can just tell them to be on the lookout for someone who looks like America!" She picked up the phone again. "Wait." She put it down. "How long does a person have to be missing before you can report it? Hmmm…"

~5~

_Ukraine_. Canada smiled in the dark. The thought of her was going to get him through. He'd only just met her a few hours ago, but the nigh-invisible boy had already constructed elaborate fantasies of their wedding in his head.

They were going to get married on top of a mountain. And, and, and they'd be really happy. And and and…

Canada's head felt giddy. The truth was, the darkness was driving him a little bit crazy.

The dark sky loomed over him, starless, frightening. He was building himself a little safe fantasy world bubble.

The only problem he could see was the loud _boinging _noise her chest made. Would that get annoying? Would it get annoying during certain… acts? He remembered America joking that Ukraine probably provided her own soundtrack when she went clubbing. Canada suddenly felt hot with anger. He now realized that was an extremely rude thing of his brother to say.

Besides, Ukraine didn't seem like the kind of girl who went clubbing, anyway. Canada tried to imagine her in a scandalous outfit, gyrating her hips slowly to the rhythm of the bass of some Snoop Dogg song.

"Hey," said a tree. "You seem to be drooling."

Canada screamed and spun around. His legs lost their balance, and he crashed hard on the ground, bruising his ankle.

"You dumb bastard." Italia Romano jumped out from behind the tree, and Canada nearly had a heart attack.

"Did you really not realize someone was following you, jackass?" Romano rolled his eyes.

"W-W-What are you doing here?" Canada whimpered.

Romano suddenly turned a nice shade of scarlet, similar to those of the tomatoes he loved to eat.

"I'm, er, well… It's none of your business what I'm doing!" he shouted. Canada sweat dropped.

_In the middle of a forest in the middle of nowhere, and I still find someone to yell at me_. He exhaled a little mushroom sigh.

The two men tensed up when they heard rustling from somewhere down the path. Canada noticed that Romano's hair was standing on end. From out in the darkness, a voice came.

"Ro_maaaaa_noooo." The voice was sing-songing its way closer. "Where arrrrre yooooou?"

"Y-You're being followed, too?" Canada cried.

Romano's heart was pounding in his chest.

"Quick!" Romano grabbed Canada's hand. "Just… um. Ugh."

"What are you doing?"

"Just… just play along with me, stupid!" Romano cast a terrified glance down the path. Then he performed a volte-face and started strolling down the path. He linked his arm in Canada's.

"Pretend we're on a date," he instructed.

Canada sweat dropped. "Whaaaa?"

~5~

"Romanoooo." Spain had a grin plastered on his visage. He had been following his little tomato all across the continent. Each time he found Romano, he pounced on him. The younger man's face would turn red (tomato-red, of course) and he'd thrash, eventually smacking Spain in the face. Then he would rush off.

"Oh, I'm going to get him." An odd look played upon Spain's face. A happy, oblivious, yet somehow ominous look. "And I'm going to convince him that it's time for him to move back in with me."

~5~

Meanwhile, with France and America…

Oh, wait, they're still busy crossing the Atlantic Ocean!

It's very big, you know.

Maybe next chapter?

~5~

"_What have I told you!_" Switzerland fired off shots towards the trespasser. "_Stop walking across my place!_"

"Ve~~!" Italy squealed in fear. "But look, Switzerland! I'm wearing clothes this time! Please don't shoot! I'm just trying to get to my friend's house! Please don't hurt me~~~"

"So you're wearing clothes, and you want me to treat that like some kind of achievement?" Switzerland snorted. "Get the hell off my land!"

Italy rushed off. "I'm too young to die! I haven't eaten enough pastaaaa~!"

Liechenstein watched the whole thing in silence.

~5~

Italians dressed in Hungarian clothes. Germany frowned. Now that that other customer had mentioned it, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Why did that seem so familiar?  
>He imagined colorful, vibrant fabric, swishing back and forth.<p>

"West, I'm getting out of here," Prussia declared.

Germany nodded. "Good night."

"You'll get the bill, won't you?" Prussia stuck out his tongue. Across the room, Poland was surprised that Prussia's tongue wasn't forked. "Of course you will. What a great little brother I have."

Germany sighed and motioned the waitress over. As Prussia left, instead of getting the bill, Germany ordered another beer.

~5~

Russia had ushered the trembling Latvia into what appeared to be a game room. To Latvia's surprise, instead of medieval-era torture devices, the room was full of board games.

"I know a great one we can play," Russia insisted. He pulled a sleek box out from the bottom of a pile of Monopoly board games. (_Russia has such a capitalist game?_ Latvia remarked in wonder.)

Russia presented the box to Latvia. It was called _Humilating! ! _Latvia's eyebrows flew up in surprise.

"I've never heard of this game," Latvia admitted.

"It'll be fun," Russia insisted. Latvia decided then and there that the whimsical exclamation marks and smiley face on the box probably spelled his doom.

The cap of the Santa hat Russia was still wearing flopped in his face. "We can play it downstai—er. No, maybe it's better to avoid the first floor. Oh, I know, we can go back to the safe room."

"Um, maybe we don't want to p-play a game in s-such a claustrophobic room? I mean, board games usually take a long time." _Stop talking Latvia, just shut up shut up shut up. _"I mean, we'll have to at least get up and move around and make sure our limbs don't fall asleep."

Russia leered at him. "Oh don't worry. I'll make sure that _none _of your limbs fall asleep." He towered over the short boy. "I'll make sure _all _of your limbs feel very awake."

Latvia was feeling humiliated already.

**These chapters are getting longer! O.O What I have written for chapter 6 is already as long as this chapter, and I just started it! Hopefully you're enjoying it! :) **

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! : ) If I get enough, I might find time to update twice next week! ^_^**


	6. Just Act Natural Somehow

**Chapter Six**

"Just act natural," Romano told Canada. "And stop whimpering like that. What kind of date are you?"

"I…" Canada paled. "I've never been on a date before."

"Come on now, dumbass. Calm the fuck down. We're a couple going on a moonlit stroll through a, um, enchanted forest or something. That's something that idiot and his 'Land of Passion' would like, right?"

"But there aren't any stars. And nothing about this forest seems enchanted. More like haunted, actually," Canada corrected. "If you count ghosts as a kind of enchantment."

"Just _shut up!_" Romano hissed. The rustling behind them was getting louder, even as they walked away as fast as they could.

"If we're going to act like l-lovers going on a stroll, shouldn't we be… strolling?" Canada asked.

"I said _a couple_! Not lovers!" Romano's face was all rouge.

Surprisingly, Canada felt less than embarrassed. Suddenly, an opportunity to practice dating had come along! So when he finally returned to Ukraine with the food, he could be as debonair as France. Their arms were already linked, so Canada leaned in closer to Romano.

"So, where are we going, exactly?" he whispered in Romano's ear.

"Umm… I didn't really have any plans," Romano said. The young Italian twitched.

"Hm. Well, in that case, let's go find a grocery store."

"What?" Romano shot him an incredulous look. "You dumb bastard! That's not what a date is supposed to be like."

"Have you ever been on one?" Canada asked curiously.

"Not of my own free will," Romano conceded.

"What?"

"Nothing." Romano tugged on Canada's arm. "Let's walk faster."

"But we're supposed to be strolling."

"Just shut up and follow my lead!"

"You're so bossy. Is this what they mean by seme and uke?"

"_NO!_"

~6~

Poland had tripped Prussia on his way out. After cackling in his face while Prussia drunkenly swore at them, he settled down as their their milkshakes arrived. Lithuania apologized to Prussia with extra smarm to appease him, for which Poland rewarded him by hitting him in the ribs with his elbow. Now Prussia had egressed, and Lithuania was sucking on his milkshake in silence.

"Watcha thinkin' bout?" Poland asked, smiling dreamily at him.

Lithuania's glass clinked as he set his milkshake down. "I was thinking," he said with uncharacteristic coldness, "of when I used to work for America."

Poland ground his teeth a bit. "Oh really?"

"Yes, and I was also thinking that maybe when this is done, I _should _go rescue poor Latvia," Lithuania added. "After all, Russia can be pretty scary, and Latvia is probably very afraid. And it would be nice to see Belarus again."

Poland's eyebrows flew up. "It would, would it?"

"Yes. I was thinking maybe I could distract her so that Latvia and Russia could escape."

"Do you have a plan?"

"Well, maybe I could ask her on another date. Our last one ended rather poorly," Lithuania explained.

Poland gripped his milkshake hard. It was a good thing that the shakes had been delivered in glasses and not one of those disposable type of cups. If it had, he would have squished it, and strawberry shake would have splattered all over the table.

"You—don't—say."

"Ah, well, I know it's just a dream," Lithuania pointed out. "After all, she's madly in love with Russia, even if that's kind of… sick, I guess, is the best word for it. But you know, even if our dates are short and bad, they're good to go on, you know? Because going on bad dates prepare you for going on good dates, and then I think it makes you appreciate good dates all the more."

"Like—really?"

"Mmmhmm." Lithuania sucked at the straw again.

Poland glared at his milkshake. If looks could kill, the poor milkshake would've been like, totally super dead.

"So, you still have feelings for her? Or, since you know she likes someone else, is there anyone… else you kind of like? Someone you're close to?"

_Like commonwealth close, you mean? _Lithuania knew what Poland was getting at. He had to find the best way to word this.

"There's this… person," he admitted.

"Person?" Poland asked. His face lit up. "Ahhh, you, like, totally think you're sneaky! It's totally a man, isn't it?"

Lithuania sighed.

"You're sighing so much," Poland asked. "Are they, like, longing sighs?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact," Lithuania asked. _I'm longing to be home. _

"Hey, did you like the new color I painted my house?"

"It was trendy."

"Totally trendy," Poland agreed.

"Hm, hey, since Prussia is gone, why don't we invite Germany to sit at our table?" Lithuania suggested.

"Like, no way!" Poland blurted.

"Why not?"

Poland was starting to redden. "Just… ugh!"

~6~

Germany had heard Lithuania trying to convince his date to let him join them.

_It must be a date, _he told himself. _It has to be a date, look how close they're sitting._

Then again, Germany knew all about having his personal space violated. Once again, the image of Hungarian dresses fluttered through his mind.

_I don't know why the Italy makes me think of that_. He sipped his replenished beer. _I should probably head home after this one, Austria is probably going to get worried and start playing Chopin._

Germany sighed. Tomorrow was another training day. Japan tried hard when he wasn't getting distracted by nature, and Italy was almost a lost cause. Another day would be spent yelling until his lungs felt ready to burst.

And, somehow, Germany just _knew _they were going to end up on that friggin' deserted island again. It happened all the time. Luckily they have memorized the location of the "deserted" island's local Chinatown, so they wouldn't starve.

As long as China didn't show up and hit them with a wok.

Germany rolled his eyes. And then Italy would wave the white flag, while saying "fap fap"—_er_, "flap flap flap" out loud. Because Italy apparently liked to demonstrate onomatopoeia out loud.

"It's a good thing I didn't say _fap _out loud," Germany said. A customer turned around to stare at him. "Errrr…"

His face and neck felt hot. "Check, please."

The customer continued to stare.

"It's the sound a white flag makes!" Germany shouted. "Don't be such a pervert in the middle of a malt shoppe/restaurant!"

Now others turned to stare at him, including Poland and Lithuania.

"See?" Poland poked Lithuania's shoulder. "He's totally nuts. It's a good thing we didn't invite him over here."

~6~

Spain watched as Romano and some guy he wasn't sure he'd ever seen before walked arm-in-arm down the moonlit path. "That's kind of romantic," he murmured jealously.

Or it would have been, if Romano didn't look miserable, and if his date(?) didn't look confused.

~6~

"Hey," Romano whispered.

"Hmm?" Canada's ears were strained listening for the signs of their follower.

"So what's your name, anyway? And you wouldn't happen to be related to America, would you? You kind of look like him. Actually, for awhile I was following you because I thought you _were _America, and that you'd, you know… save me or something."

Canada's shoulders drooped. "I'm _Canada_," he insisted. "We've met at world meetings before."

"_WHAT?_? Really?" Romano looked completely shocked. Canada just sighed.

"And you're Romano," Canada said. "The one that Spain keeps trying to hug during meetings."

"He does worse than just try to hug me." Romano shivered. "That tomato bastard."

"Worse?"

"Yeah, that jerk is so touchy-feely! It's embarrassing!"

A bush _right next to them _rustled. Romano squawked. A squirrel ran out.

"Oh geez." Romano grabbed his chest. His heart was racing.

After that, the two managed to stroll with ostensible ease down the path. The rustling behind them subsided, and although occasionally Romano thought he heard brazen footsteps down the path, he had formulated a plan in his head which he thought was ok.

Canada, for his part, was enjoying the walk. It was a little weird linking arms with a man he didn't really know very well, but having company made the starless night a little less lonesome. He decided to start a conversation. That's what a popular person would do, right? Have interesting conversations?

"So, is Spain really your boyfriend like America says?"

Romano froze rigidly. "That's…!"

~6~

Spain frowned. He couldn't hear what they were saying. He had abandoned the bushes and trees and was now tracking them directly down the path. He had remembered who that kid was, now. It was America's brother! What's his name! He could just baaaarely remember his face from the world meetings. Mostly, what Spain knew about him was hearsay from France.

From what he could see, Romano appeared to be dodging every question his date asked, and alternating snide remarks with visible discomfort.

_That's just how he acts around me! _Spain was horrified. _Does that mean Romano feels… that he's in…_

Had Romano actually run all this way to meet this boy!

The chances were slim, but… still!

~6~

"Hey, Poland." _Go, Lithy, go! _"I had an idea."

"Yeah?"

"Let's get out of here." Lithuania tried to modulate his voice with something like longing. "I just… I want to go see the stars."

Poland's eyes sparkled. "Yeah? You romantic, you!"

"You know where the stars are best?" Lithuania held his breath for a moment, then just came out with it: "rural Russia."

Poland was silent.

_And now comes the important phrase to manipulate Poland! _Lithuania exhaled deeply, then said:

"I wanted to show Russia how well you wear those new clothes. He'll be very jealous that I have such a cute friend. And I know he said that parts of his home are a bit outdated now; I'm sure you could give him some pointers."

_Please work_. Lithuania could see the gears in Poland's head grinding.

~6~

"CAPTAIN!" Inside Poland's head, a factory worker ran to find his boss. "It's a flood!"

Inside Poland's head was a tiny factory that manufactured tiny candy hearts. You know, the kind that taste like flavored chalk. Emblazoned on them were words—usually emotions.

"We're overrun with Vanity and Suspicion!" the worker wailed.

In the end, though, the Vanity hearts vastly outnumbered the Suspicion ones.

~6~

"Like, sure," Poland agreed. For the first time of the night, Lithuania smiled genuinely.

_Poland can distract Russia while I save Latvia_. _Way to go, Lithy! _He mentally patted himself on the back.

"Check, please," he said.

Poland reached down into his skirt.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting my wallet."

"I-It's ok, I'll pay." Lithuania groaned.

"Really? That's like, totally cool of you!" Poland beamed.

Lithuania's heart skipped a beat despite himself. Poland really did make a very cute girl.

After paying the waitress (Lithuania made sure not to tip her too well, since Poland was watching) and finishing off the last of his shake, Lithuania nudged Poland to allow him to get up. He felt tremendously relieved as his friend stood up. He also caught himself looking at Poland's ass.

"Hey! Don't look at me there," Poland teased, enjoying himself.

Lithuania tried very hard not to comment. _For Latvia, _he told himself.

Germany was polishing off his beer when the two finally exited the shoppe.

"He really looks good in a skirt," said a customer seated behind him.

Germany rolled his eyes. He couldn't help but think of Japan. Japan had told him once that having boys cross-dress was very popular in manga. He wondered the Axis Powers would look like if their uniforms all included skirts (himself excluded, of course).

"Are you done, sir?" A waitress smiled at him. "Did I hear you call for the check earlier? I'm sorry that I was busy."

"Um, no, thanks." Germany paused. "Could I get some eggs?"

"Certainly, sir."

"Thank you."

"Do you want another beer, sir?"

"Yes, please."

~6~

He had a houseguest who had barged in. Austria was expressing his anger through the magic of Chopin.

~6~

"You'll never get away with it," England said dully.

Sealand impertinently stuck out his tongue. "It's not about success! It's about gaining the respect of other countries!"

"Oh please." England had his elbows on the table, and was propping his chin up with his hand. Now his hand slid to cover his eyes. "All this talk is giving me a headache," he explained. "It's so intrusive," he added.

"Yeah, headaches can to be that way."

"No, I meant your plan."

"Hmp!" Sealand pouted.

"With a chance of success that's probably _below _zero, why persevere at all? You're not even a real country! You're a micronation!" England was suddenly feeling mean. "The only reason you're not part of _my _place is because I didn't give a shit about that tiny fort you're living on!"

Sealand glowered.

~6~

"So, …dear," Romano choked. "Are y-you enjoying yourself?" The last few words waned in volume and came out as a mumble in the end. From his vantage point behind them, Spain was starting to feel a little depressed.

"You've got yourself a little boyfriend and I didn't even know you were dating, Romano," he criticized. "And this young man, I bet he doesn't give you all the tomatoes you can eat. I bet he never got the crap beaten out of him by the Ottoman Empire and France to protect you. Hmph. And on top of that, your date looks completely nervous. You obviously don't know how to show someone a good time."

A gray, fuming cloud hovered over Spain's head.

"That little 'tard," he fumed. "And he never even goes out of his way come and see me. Even Veneziano takes time out of his Germany-stalking to come see his Spain." Spain's right eye started to twitch. "Veneziano wouldn't treat met his way."

"I'm fine," Canada said miserably. He had just realized that parading around with Romano like this was probably going to make him targeted by Spain.

"Well, that's… great." _Damn it, this is stupid. Why is he following so close behind us? That friggin' tomato-obsessed over-passionate stalker. _Romano's teeth were clenched. _Why's he following me if he likes Veneziano so much better, anyway_. _That bastard._

~6~

"What are you making there, Japan?"

"Hm? Oh, Greece. It's a present for Germany."

"Ah. They're very pretty."

"_Arigatou_.

Greece stared at the cute present. "I wish I had some things like those."

"Ah?" Japan blushed. "Um, I can make you some."

"You're very close to Germany, aren't you?" Greece leaned in closer, watching Japan's face carefully.

"Ah, well, I wouldn't say we are super close." Japan was blushing.

"Are you—" Greece paused. "Are you as good of friends with Germany as you are with me?" Greece asked slowly. Greece asked everything slowly.

Japan looked his friend in the face with wide eyes.

"I'm not sure what you mean," he said, although he was turning a little red.

Greece frowned.

"_Ano, _did I say something that upset you?" Japan tilted his head to the side. Greece thought this made him look cute.

~6~

"Ooh, that's not a good dice roll, Latvia. Pick a card."

Latvia did so.

"What's it say?"

"I… I don't want to do this. It's humiliating."

"_Do it_."

Latvia sobbed a bit.

The card read _Do the chicken dance. _If only Latvia knew that this was probably the tamest card in the whole game.

**Updating early this week because I'm going to be busy on Thursday. As always, review review review!**


	7. Wait, how would Canada be a fanGIRL?

**Chapter 7**

_A few hours later… Let's see how everyone is doing!_

Latvia trembled. "You expect me to do _what!_"

"Just relax," Russia said. He gave the young man a cruel smile.

Latvia shivered.

"It was your idea to play a game," Russia said.

"_It was not."_

"Well, don't be a cheater. Take off your shirt and let Mother Russia punch you in the gut."

"Waaah!"

"Don't cry. Who do you think you are, Italy?"

~7~

"Are we, like, there yet?" Poland tugged on Lithuania's sleeve impatiently.

"_No," _Lithuania repeated firmly. Poland sighed.

"How about now?"

Lithuania twitched. "Hey, have you ever played the Quiet Game?"

"That's totally for babies."

"I think we should try it out."

"Why, does the silent type turn you on?" Poland snickered.

_It's ok, Lithy, just put up with it for now, _Lithuania comforted himself. "Ah, well," he said. "I just thought a moonlit walk _in silence _would be, y'know… Oh gee, I cannot remember the word," he goaded.

"Romantic?" Poland stuck his tongue out.

Lithuania sighed. "I guess that would describe it." _I just want things peaceful._

"Awww." Poland wrapped his arms around Lithuania's middle. This made walking awkward and cumbersome. Poland didn't seem to care. "Lithuania, what makes you think I like _you_?" he teased. "You—"

Lithuania shoved him away. _This has to stop, _he thought.

"What has to stop?" Poland asked in confusion.

"…I said that out loud?" _Crap._

_No going back now, Lithy!_

"Poland," Lithuania began. "No… _Feliks_."

Poland squealed upon hearing Lithuania utter his real name. "Yes Toris?" he grasped Lithuania's hands in his, his eyes shining mischeviously.

Lithuania gave Poland a dead look. "We've… we've been through a lot together," he said woodenly. "Fighting with Prussia before he was even named Prussia, having our royalty get married, and we were even a commonwealth together."

Poland nodded enthusiastically.

"And it's wonderful," Lithuania continued, "that we've become such good friends. But you see, you shouldn't be clinging on me all the time. Or trying to get me to look at your butt. Or getting jealous when other attractive people walk by. It's nothing against you, or your butt, but you see, the person I was talking about earlier, the man that I like… It's not you."

~7~

Germany leaned hard against the side of the building. In one hand he was holding his stomach. His other hand was running through his hair and wiping the sweat off of his forehead. He vomited, and then lay his face against the cool brick. He smooshed his nose against it. He knew he looked silly, but it was delightfully cold.

After two minutes of labored breathing, he pushed himself off of the wall and stumbled down an alleyway. He knew a shortcut that would lead him to his house faster.

He stopped, put his hand on a dumpster, and felt the urge to throw up once again rising up. He opened the dumpster and—

_"Hey!" _A hobo growled at him from within the filthy confines of the dumpster. "This be muh home!" The hobo swiped at Germany's arms, causing the drunk man to let go of the dumpster's lid. The dumpster slammed shut.

Germany vomited next to the dumpster.

"Upchuckin' on muh doorstep," the hobo muttered inside. "Drunk fools got no respect for der elders."

"_Es tut mir leid."_

"WHATEVER, just get out of here ya bum," the hobo yelled. He settled another filthy newspaper on himself.

Germany stumbled off.

A lot of thoughts were swishing around in Germany's mind. Swishing slowly, slowly, because drunk people don't exactly have the most lightning-fast mental capacities.

He'd gotten drunk for a reason, he thought. He thought he knew was it was: friggin' _dresses._

The colorful fabric kept swaying, swaying through his mind as if the thought was wafting on a breeze. _Who was that? _Germany didn't know anyone who'd ever cross-dressed as a Hungarian woman. Still, the memory remained so fixedly in his mind he felt like he could reach out and physically touch it.

Ah, Gott, he couldn't stop _blushing_. Part of that was probably all the beer, but, jeez, it was embarrassing. Thank Gott Prussia wasn't around.

Germany doubled over painfully and vomited again. He was starting to feel a little better. His satomch felt like someone was in the process of violently scrubbing it out with dish detergent and a cloth made of sandpaper, and the acidic taste in the back of his throat made him want to gag, but he did feel better.

"It's a mystery," he murmured sullenly. "Who could I be thinking of?"

Still, the memory only bothered him because he couldn't remember who it pertained to. It wasn't a _bad _memory, per se. He could see a young child, swaying around in a cute Hungarian dress, an adorable hat placed upon the child's head.

But he couldn't see a face.

"Sigh," Germany sighed.

The bum stuck his head out of the dumpster. "Will you get out of here?" he demanded. "Some people are trying to sleep, and that's hard to do when you're tossing your cookies all over the place."

"There are cookies?" slurred the drunk blond in a thicker German accent than usual.

"Idiot. Go home!" The bum slammed the door.

~7~

_"Put it on_," Russia commanded.

"Russia, no!"

"It's what the card says!"

Latvia's lower lip trembled.

~7~

"We're lost," Canada sighed.

"We're not lost," Romano growled.

"We are _so _lost."

They were _very _lost. The dark trees all looked identical to each other and, even though both men would swear they had never left the path, they had somehow far away from it. Their arms were still linked, mostly out of fear now instead of romantic pretense.

They couldn't even hear Spain following them anymore. They were all alone.

All alone.

All… alone.

"M-Maybe we should stop for the night," Canada said.

"And be out here in the dark all night?" An owl hooted nearby. Romano shivered. The surprise of the hooting and Romano's shivering caused Canada to almost jump out of his skin.

"Y-Yes."

"We don't have a tent. We don't have a fire. You're talking about us basically sitting here in the dark, with only our bodies to use for warmth."

"I… Uh…"

"_Huddling _together, you bastard, and nothing else," Romano clarified. "What are you, some kind of yaoi fangirl? I don't spoon."

Canada sweat dropped. "No, I didn't think that. I just wanted to add that if we stop for the night, Spain might find us. And while that may seem like a scary idea to you, he also may know a way out of here."

"Shut up for a second, will you, you bastard?" Romano shoved his companion violently. Because they were linked,this caused the two of them to veer to the side and nearly fall over.

"What!" Canada cried.

"_I said shut up! _I think I hear running water."

"You want a bath _now_? _Now _who's trying to appease the fangirls—"

"If it's a river, we can follow it out of here!" Romano hissed.

"How do you know the river leads out of this forest?"

"Well, it's got to go _somewhere,_" Romano pointed out.

"I think we should wait 'til morning," Canada said. "It'll be easier to figure out where we are if we can see."

"No, we should keep moving. You're an idiot."

"You keep saying that, but I think it's you who are the idiot," Canada muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

Shy little Canada then decided to try to bluff. He puffed out his chest. He tried to put on a very suave, confident look, like Papa France look, and tried to talk in his total hero voice, the way America would, and:

"What if we split up?" he suggested in what we hoped was an assured tone of voice. In reality, his voice sound tinny and shook a little.

"Eh! That's a stupid idWHOA—" Romano fell over, dragging Canada down him. They landed awkwardly on top of each other, faces close together, Canada on his elbows and knees above Romano's supine form.

"Stop trying to appease the fangirls!" they shouted at each other.

~7~

"You can't just barge in here all the time," Austria lectured. "Since you're still here, I will have to express my anger with MORE CHOPIN!"

"It kind of seems like you really just want to play Chopin," said the intruder.

"Shut your face," Austria huffed. He sat down and began to play.

~7~

Iceland was sleeping. It wasn't terribly interesting.

~7~

"Oh, please no," cried Latvia. He was wearing a tutu and had a bruise the size of a quarter on his stomach. However, other than this, he was unharmed. Latvia thanked his lucky stars. This game had not been treating me kindly.

"It's part of the game," Russia explained calmly. "You like games, don't you Latvia?"

"Please, I don't want to play." The young man's trembling was uncontrollable.

"Just do what it says on the card."

"Why don't you ever have to draw a card?" Latvia squealed.

"I told you, it's because I'm the game master."

_"I don't want to play anym—"_

The two froze. They could hear scratching noises outside.

"B-B-B-Belarus?" Latvia guessed.

Russia's eyes had widened and he looked about ready to slip into a catatonic state again. He teetered. He tottered. Despite his fear of the larger man, Latvia put out a hand to steady him.

"Ah, thanks, Latvia," Russia said absentmindedly. "You were always my favorite."

Latvia's mouth made a little _O_. "I was?" he asked.

The scratching grew louder.

"Latvia," Russia said, "I think we ought to go back to the safe room now."

"Ummm… Do I have to wear the tutu?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

And so it was that Russia and Latvia carefully tiptoed over to the door of Latvia's chosen guest room. Latvia's pink pancake-style tutu (Russia, loving ballet, had explained to him that there were different styles of tutu,) rustled against the walls. It was the kind you just slipped up over your legs, like the kind little toddler girls wore because they (and their parents) thought it made them look pretty. Latvia wondered if he could have it slide down his legs by accident.

"Stop that rustling!" Russia suddenly whispered with ferocity. "Take it off!"

Latvia sniffed. Annoyed at how many times that night Russia had asked him to remove articles of clothing, he slipped the tutu down his legs. As he stepped out of the circle of netting, Russia reached down and snatched it up. To Latvia's chagrin, Russia kept it gripped steadfastly in his hands. Was Russia planning on making him wear it again later? Latvia sighed.

_"Sssssh_," Russia insisted.

The two sneaked down the hallway. Latvia kept his breathing quiet; Russia sounded, to Latvia's horror, as if he wasn't breathing at all. _Maybe demons don't need oxygen_, Latvia decided.

Russia's house was so huge, Latvia could easily get lost. But there wasn't actually a lot to it; plenty of rooms were unused, or devoid of furniture.

That just meant that there were less hiding places if someone came after them.

**Sorry for the no-show last week, but I was busy going to concerts and conventions and such things. As for why this is being updated today instead of yesterday... Well... It slipped my mind. . Sorry! I am not infallible, lol.**


	8. Canada disturbs Romano

**Chapter 8**

Lithuania examined Poland's face very, very carefully. In all of their time together, Lithuania still had trouble gauging what his former commonwealth-buddy was thinking.

Poland, for his part, had gone completely pale. "Y…You…"

There was a moment of silence, disturbed only by a strong breeze that tousled the tall grass of the dramatic-looking meadow they had come upon.

"You thought I was _hitting _on you? You moron." Poland laughed, but his heart wasn't in it.

And that's when an army of squirrels suddenly powered out of the meadow and knocked the two of them over.

~8~

"Latvia, you're going to have to stop trembling. I don't know how, but you're trembling so hard that it's actually making noise. I don't know if it's your teeth chattering or your heart pounding against your ribcage or what. I don't want Belarus to be able to hear us."

Latvia let out a little _meep_. "I-I'll try, sir," he sputtered.

"That's good, Latvia, that's very good. Because honestly, Belarus terrifies me."

Latvia paused. "Terrifies?"

"Yes, that is what I said."

Latvia thought about this as they inched their way down another flight of stairs. Russia was probably the biggest, baddest, scariest person Latvia knew. Anything or anyone that could terrify Russia was bad news. Suddenly the thought of Belarus clawing her way in frightened him as well.

"You should be scared too, Latvia," Russia said.

"Oh, I already am, sir." Latvia bowed his head.

"Good. Because if Belarus gets in here, she's going to think that I've kept you here as my boyfriend and she'll tear you to pieces."

Tears wobbled in front of Latvia's eyes. "Eeeehhhh…" he groaned. Icy fear curlicued down his back.

"What was that, Latvia? I told you to be quiet."

"Nothing, sir. Sorry."

~8~

"We're going to die out here," Canada moaned.

"We are not, you stupid asshole." Romano had set up a tent.

"If you had a tent all along, why didn't you want to stop for the night?"

"I've been running from that bastard for several days, and he can recognize this tent by now."

No wonder, thought Canada. The tent was emblazoned with pictures of tomatoes. Also, Spain's face took up half of an outside wall. He was smiling and pointing.

"Stole it from Spain, huh?" Canada hung his head. "Well, at least I don't have to be afraid of Spain."

"You're not afraid of him beating you up because of a misunderstanding? Maybe he'll think you're trying to make me your territory."

"That seems unlikely."

"Well, maybe he'll say that's what he _thought _you were doing, and really he'll just beat the hell out of you because you're my new boyfriend."

"I'm not, though."

"He doesn't fucking know that."

"So, if I'm your _new _boyfriend, does that make Spain your _old _boyfriend?"

"What did I tell you about appeasing fangirls?" Romano growled.

Canada sighed. "I am _not_ trying to appease the fangirls. If I _was_, I'd be asking if you thought we should go bathe ourselves in the river buck naked, and we'd compare penis sizes and then we'd compare how well they fit into—"

A bird chirped loudly, covering up some of Canada's words to the casual reader.

"Then we'd realize we forgot our towels, so we'd have to dry each other with our hands by a fire, and we'd eventually realize how cold we were and warm each other with our hands too, and then somehow our clothes would have gotten washed away, and we'd end up—"

A branch fell off of a tree, obscuring Canada's voice to all but Romano.

"And then we'd spend that whole night like that," Canada finished.

Romano stared at him slack-jawed.

"What? I said _if_." Canada stared grumpily off into the night.

"Is..."

"Is what?"

"Is this what happens when part of you is colonized by France?" Romano cried.

Canada rolled his eyes.

~8~

Russia stared at Latvia. He was trembling, as per usual. The two of them were nestled in the safe room. Russia was seated comfortably on top of a box that he had furnished with a cushion, while Latvia was on his knees on the hard floor. Latvia sighed.

"What's wrong, Latvia?"

"How long do we have to stay down here?" Latvia asked, still looking at the floor.

Russia grinned menacingly, the kind of grin that would've made Latvia wet himself if he hadn't been staring at the floor.

"Oh Latvia," he said. "I don't care. I like spending time with you."

Latvia shivered. _That's creepy as fuck!_

~8~

"And don't come back!" England tossed Sealand out. The boy turned on his hell and stuck out his tongue.

"You suck!" Sealand said. "I'm going to be recognized as a country! I'm not just your leftovers, you know!"

The normally kind, industrious, and carefree Sealand then proceeded to make crude hand gestures at England. England was appalled.

"I'm appalled!" he cried, and slammed the door shut.

"Sigh," Sealand sighed. "I was hoping England would help me…"

It was time for the first phase of his plan to be enacted. He had started it earlier, but it hadn't gone well. He had to make his way to Latvia's house. Giving one more scalding look at England's house, he started to cross the sea so he could get back to mainland Europe.

~8~

Meanwhile, France and America were _still _on their way. They had gotten lost. Miles upon of identical miles of blue ocean, don't'cha know.

~8~

Belarus was outside, looking for rocks to throw. Although she thought of herself as a cute and dignified lady, she really needed to get inside. Her face had a dark look to it,

There were plenty of pebbles around, but Belarus hadn't yet espied one large enough for her purposes. She growled and paced around like a feral cat.

In an angry fit, she clawed at the front door. She was getting nowhere. She needed a new plan…

~8~

After puking up things he didn't even remember eating that night, burly Germany was finally staggering his way home. He felt light-headed and nauseous. Finally his house came into view. He paused in drunken consideration before walking onto the porch. He was going to catch hell from Austria, he knew, whether now, or in the morning. He preferred now, when his mind was too unsettled to care. However, the entire house loomed dark. It looked like condemnation and admonishment would have to wait until the morning.

The door was slightly ajar. This information would've made Germany instantly tense, but he was much too tired to care at this point. He pushed it open, and a bucket of water fell on his head.

"Owch."

It looked like Austria hadn't been angry enough to stay up to yell at Germany for coming home late, but had been angry enough to set a trap for him.

"Really now, that is so unnecessary," Germany lamented. The cool water at least made him a bit more alert. He closed the door behind him and locked it. He looked down. Austria had even set out towels so that the water wouldn't get the floor too wet. Germany sighed, and set about drying where the towels hadn't done their job well enough. Then he made his way into his room and stumbled into bed, Hungarian dresses still swishing around in his mind.

**Sorry that it's so short, and that I haven't updated in awhile. _ I'll try to get back into the swing of things!**


End file.
